Rhetorical Rape

[foxgrrl]

So, last night while I was supposed to be finishing my art for Burning Man, I made the mistake of looking at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival Discussion Forums, and I get the impression that the music festival is not a safe place? Hypothetically, if I went there, would I likely be attacked? (I haven't had the time to research any of this yet, it's rather distant from my daily life. (And I seriously don't have the time for drama¹.))

But anyway, the reason why I'm writing this, is because I could not let an oft repeated statement go unchallenged. There is a common accusation that male to female transsexuals [MTFs] are men, who devote many painful years of their lives, to pretend to be women, for the purpose of raping them². And that their demand to be treated simple human respect and decency, the same as any ordinary woman, is male privilege.

As an actual, for-reals, victim of sexual assault, I find these accusations of rape highly offensive. Especially coming from people who have never experienced this. Attending a Womyn's Music Festival, just like any other woman, is not the same as someone [a man] holding you on the ground with a knife at your throat, and sticking their tongue in your mouth³. [And something else I've gotten:] Taking someone's photo, in public, without their permission is not the same as rape. It's not the same as being backed into a corner as a child and having myone's genitals fondled.

As a transsexual, I have been turned down for work; denied housing, twice!; denied medical care; denied government ID; lost friends (but not any more family than what I had already lost before); etc. all explicitly because I'm trans. (I know it's for that reason, because that's what the people doing it are telling me when they do it. It's perfectly legal to do, so why cover it up?)

As a woman, I also get people completely ignoring anything I say, or invalidating it, not believing that I can lift heavy objects, or take care of myself, or actually be skilled at anything technical, and staring at my breasts while they talk to me.

I can't even kiss someone I love, without the animal part of my hindbrain wanting to run away or attack. I have to fight myself to not disassociate when being intimate with someone. And I hate it. [Note that if you're one of the people I'm intimate with, and you didn't know, don't do anything different just because I've said this now.]

The next time I see someone accusing myself or someone else of rape rhetorically, I'm going to call them out on it. I'm not going to passively sit by and take it any more. Put up, or shut up. What the hell was your rape experience like? And how is that the same as whatever petty drama you're upset about? Oh, you never were? Well then kindly shut the fuck up.

Really, all this accusation of rape is, is verbal bludgeon for attacking and gaining power over people, in a sense… a form of rape itself.


P.S. You know, I don't even identify as trans most of the time. I've mostly forgotten about it (except when I use the bathroom), the only time people identify me as trans, is when they're using it as a weapon against me.

P.P.S. This can not seriously be the official MWMF LiveJournal community, right, right? http://community.livejournal.com/michfest/profile

---

¹ What with working twice as hard as a man, for half the credit, because I'm a woman.
² I know this strikes most of you as being absurd, and it certainly strikes me as absurd, but there are people who very seriously believe this, which I still find hard to believe.
³ No, I don't want to talk about it, you may notice however that I'm still alive.

Comments

[rhiannasilel.livejournal.com]

I think there is a time and a place for woman only events, but they should be healthy and constructive and the celebration of being a woman rather than the degradation of men or perceived men. By the same token, I don't think that a men's only event is such a bad thing either provided the same rules apply. Years ago I used to go to this Native American farm where they would have a woman's circle and a men's circle and one of the really fascinating things that all of us got out of it were the energetic differences between those circles and the circles where we were all together. I think it was a great experience, but again, we weren't doing it in a negative way of "us vs. them" but just finding out what it means to be us.

One thing that I find very interesting about the technology field is that while it is still very much dominated by men women seem to be closing the gap in countries like India, but here in the US women are opting out of technical professions. This is very strange to me, especially since historically women had a lower position in society. I haven't really figured that one out yet.

[alcira.livejournal.com]

Women opting out of technical fields happens may because they aren't good at math or have familial pressure to drop out for that reason. Women are not encouraged to be technical though. I admire Danica McKeller so much for writing about math while she encourages girls to be good at math and science. I wish I had studied both. I wanted to become an engineer, and get some kind of civilian job with NASA or something. That wasn't meant to be yet, since my life was to take an entirely different...trajectory shall we say. I now want to go to law school and become a civil rights lawyer.

We have to make this planet a place where people would rather stay on than a place people are desperate to leave in various ways. We have so many problems here in the US, on earth in general, why should I bother when there is a secret space program anyway! You guys have helped me remember all of this stuff I really hadn't thought of in years. I guess I'm a sci-fi junkie gone mad but I hear I can't get a security clearance because of dual citizenship. That's right-wing or independent or centrist bullshit, and I'm going to call it. I'll be in a women's circle full of cool women in perfect love and perfect trust, any day because I know women who are into this sort of spirituality are not people who use other people. That's just not our way. Sigh, I mean, I just wanted to become a scientist, that's it, some kind of aerospace engineer. This is when you say I've watched a tad too much Stargate and back then it was a huge influence.

[rhiannasilel.livejournal.com]

Women opting out of technical fields happens may because they aren't good at math or have familial pressure to drop out for that reason. Women are not encouraged to be technical though. I admire Danica McKeller so much for writing about math while she encourages girls to be good at math and science. I wish I had studied both. I wanted to become an engineer, and get some kind of civilian job with NASA or something. That wasn't meant to be yet, since my life was to take an entirely different...trajectory shall we say. I now want to go to law school and become a civil rights lawyer.

This may sound strange, but I was always encouraged to study math and be technical. In fact, the summer of my 8th grade year I won an essay contest and did a 2 week "Women in Engineering" camp at Goddard. I never really felt that kind of pressure either at school or at home. My parents didn't really know how to help me with my math homework (my mom wasn't brilliant at math and my dad had to drop out of school at the age of 14 to help support the family, but he actually is very technical in a real hands on kind of way), but to their credit they called the math teachers next door and asked if they could help and they did. I guess that in many ways I was really lucky to have that kind of help in my life.

My question to you is why don't you follow your dream and go into one of the sciences? It still seems to very much be in your heart.

[alcira.livejournal.com]

Oh its very much in my heart to follow the sciences, I'm just so poor right now I can't even go to an accredited junior college to get an online paralegal certificate at a hybrid program which is in Southern California. I simply feel not encouraged to get into math and science, which is my first love. I mean, I've picked up Spanish along the way so I know I've got something of an advantage being bilingual. I wonder at all the sexist prejudices in this world, assumptions, even the way people like to put people in stupid little boxes over equally stupid reasons. I made a bit of a typo above though because my computer has this weird thing about skipping around. Yeah, I think if I had my way, I'd learn a skilled trade to make money, such as computer tech repair. I already have the name of an organization close to me that may help me get training but I don't know if they provide free services, so I may just crash it next week, regardless of whether I get the interview with that law firm. Without school, I feel so directionless, it drives me crazy. I feel like my life is not progressing. I'm not going to be some kid bumming around in a park anymore with my friends. I'm looking for better people to hang out with, people with careers, who are stable financially, and mentally too. Sigh. Its going to happen eventually.

[rhiannasilel.livejournal.com]

If you want to get into IT, my recommendation is to sell your self to a start up company. I was working at the lower end of it, but managed to get my shot by going to a start up. I knew it was risky and it did end up finally going under, but it got me where I am today without a degree. I want to go back and finish the degree, but I have so many other things going on right now that it's a little hard. I might try looking into part time online or something. Unfortunately, it's going to be like starting from scratch because most of my credits are in philosophy and anthropology.

I still wish I could be a philosopher or an archaeologist but neither one puts food on the table and I figure that I can pursue philosophy full time when I retire. For now, IT works for me. It does seem to be the one place that those of us that don't fit in manage to find a home.

[alcira.livejournal.com]

Hell, if you think about rhianna, many of us fit in with those who do not fit in. Yeah, I thought about both philosophy and archaeology. I love archaeology. I think Geek Squad might have a hand in hiring me. There is one close to me in fact and I know they're mostly at Best Buy too. I think if I can project myself as useful, chances are people will not disrespect me as much. Its when I'm not useful that they choose to disrespect me.

[rhiannasilel.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you'll do great.:)

[alcira.livejournal.com]

I sure hope so. I found an organization called Job train which offers training. Good news is it will work out as a job training option, seeing as I have an offer of funding, since classes run 4-7 weeks in the technical fields I want to study. No, I don't have the strength to haul tons of equipment around. But then again, I also have an option to go to Florida as a consolation prize, should my job interview at the law firm not work out. Then again they may not hire me until October, which is what my subconscious secretly wants even if I know I may have to get hired in September right away...although I have this weird FEELING if you will, that the whole thing will work out. We'll see. I will eagerly await phone calls, emails, and summons. Its why I'm looking for friends who are working, and not coffee shop transients or practicing park bums.

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Uh, women ARE equal in math skills to men, at least according to current test scores.

Sounds like you dig your own hole, and what you need to learn to do is dig YOURSELF out. Society ain't gonna do it for you, nor are partners or stereotype-based groups of people.

I learned that one the hard way.

[alcira.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that's true - that women and men are equal to each other in test scores.

I think if I have to resort to my second plan, I'm going to be able to get tech training, hopefully the half-way there I want to be to get into the tech field in general as some kind of system's analyst.

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a new study came out just the other day that found that girls score just as high as guys on science testing, and I think that's about right, from my own assessment of tech fields in the SF Bay area. There are probably more men in IT, but there appear to be more women in biotech there, and I think it balances out on the whole.

There are a lot of folks who read this blog who are in the IT field in the Bay area, and you can take their advice to heart -- if anyone knows how to break into tech without having a degree in a computer-related field it'll be them. :D You may find that to get your foot in the door, you have to be somewhere where there is a lot of IT hiring going on, where warm bodies who are reliable and enthusiastic are desirable even without a lot of training, because smart people are easy to train and often figure things out on their own -- and a startup cannot always pick and choose to very top people across the board (plus there are some very smart and well-trained people in IT who are also more than a touch flaky, so they are not always the best bet for a startup! ;)

The Bay area's IT market seems to be one of the few really good places remaining in America where you can get a decent job if you are smart but don't have a degree and/or a whole lot of experience and training in the computer field.

[alcira.livejournal.com]

I suppose I want to be in hard core tech. My preferred title is computer systems' analyst or analyst of some kind. I want to be half-way to a BS in computer science someday. I will be an extremely educated writer who won't just have a BA in creative writing. English majors are having a hard time as it is out here, in the Bay Area, finding a job. We're screwed if we don't know tech.


One thing I am is born in American- I'm a US Citizen.. but one thing I'm not is flaky like many tech people. If I have been flaky, I pretty much email or try my darndest to call somebody before it becomes massive flakiness. I mean, I'm wondering where I'm going to have to move to get a decent job in the lower 48 states. I don't know if I can get an actual job in the Bay Area. I feel so ignored even after applying at places like tutoring outfits where they teach people a variety of subjects.

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you have some desirable qualities, and are interested and motivated. I'd take advantage of the fact that there are a lot of people out there who know Julia dn read this blog who are deeply tied into the Bay area IT scene, and see if you can't demo yourself for some of them so they can decide how they feel about recommending you for a spot at a current or former employer of theirs. To my mind, that might well be the best fast track you could attain. Worth looking into!

And I hope you find somethign wonderful for yourself, no matter how you get there. :D

[alcira.livejournal.com]

That would be cool. I have backup plans in case my job interview next week doesn't work out but I have this weird weird feeling that it will? My intuition sometimes scares me when it turns out to be right. So my plan B, to use a job training organization that trains people for free, may not happen yet. We'll see what happens.