Rhetorical Rape
Aug. 23rd, 2008 06:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
foxgrrlSo, last night while I was supposed to be finishing my art for Burning Man, I made the mistake of looking at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival Discussion Forums, and I get the impression that the music festival is not a safe place? Hypothetically, if I went there, would I likely be attacked? (I haven't had the time to research any of this yet, it's rather distant from my daily life. (And I seriously don't have the time for drama¹.))
But anyway, the reason why I'm writing this, is because I could not let an oft repeated statement go unchallenged. There is a common accusation that male to female transsexuals [MTFs] are men, who devote many painful years of their lives, to
As an actual, for-reals, victim of sexual assault, I find these accusations of rape highly offensive. Especially coming from people who have never experienced this. Attending a Womyn's Music Festival, just like any other woman, is not the same as someone [a man] holding you on the ground with a knife at your throat, and sticking their tongue in your mouth³. [And something else I've gotten:] Taking someone's photo, in public, without their permission is not the same as rape. It's not the same as being backed into a corner as a child and havingmyone's genitals fondled.
As a transsexual, I have been turned down for work; denied housing, twice!; denied medical care; denied government ID; lost friends (but not any more family than what I had already lost before); etc. all explicitly because I'm trans. (I know it's for that reason, because that's what the people doing it are telling me when they do it. It's perfectly legal to do, so why cover it up?)
As a woman, I also get people completely ignoring anything I say, or invalidating it, not believing that I can lift heavy objects, or take care of myself, or actually be skilled at anything technical, and staring at my breasts while they talk to me.
I can't even kiss someone I love, without the animal part of my hindbrain wanting to run away or attack. I have to fight myself to not disassociate when being intimate with someone. And I hate it. [Note that if you're one of the people I'm intimate with, and you didn't know, don't do anything different just because I've said this now.]
The next time I see someone accusing myself or someone else of
Really, all this accusation of rape is, is verbal bludgeon for attacking and gaining power over people, in a sense… a form of rape itself.
P.S. You know, I don't even identify as trans most of the time. I've mostly forgotten about it (except when I use the bathroom), the only time people identify me as trans, is when they're using it as a weapon against me.
P.P.S. This can not seriously be the
¹ What with working twice as hard as a man, for half the credit, because I'm a woman.
² I know this strikes most of you as being absurd, and it certainly strikes me as absurd, but there are people who very seriously believe this, which I still find hard to believe.
³ No, I don't want to talk about it, you may notice however that I'm still alive.
But anyway, the reason why I'm writing this, is because I could not let an oft repeated statement go unchallenged. There is a common accusation that male to female transsexuals [MTFs] are men, who devote many painful years of their lives, to
pretendto be women, for the purpose of raping them². And that their demand to be treated simple human respect and decency, the same as any ordinary woman, is
male privilege.
As an actual, for-reals, victim of sexual assault, I find these accusations of rape highly offensive. Especially coming from people who have never experienced this. Attending a Womyn's Music Festival, just like any other woman, is not the same as someone [a man] holding you on the ground with a knife at your throat, and sticking their tongue in your mouth³. [And something else I've gotten:] Taking someone's photo, in public, without their permission is not the same as rape. It's not the same as being backed into a corner as a child and having
As a transsexual, I have been turned down for work; denied housing, twice!; denied medical care; denied government ID; lost friends (but not any more family than what I had already lost before); etc. all explicitly because I'm trans. (I know it's for that reason, because that's what the people doing it are telling me when they do it. It's perfectly legal to do, so why cover it up?)
As a woman, I also get people completely ignoring anything I say, or invalidating it, not believing that I can lift heavy objects, or take care of myself, or actually be skilled at anything technical, and staring at my breasts while they talk to me.
I can't even kiss someone I love, without the animal part of my hindbrain wanting to run away or attack. I have to fight myself to not disassociate when being intimate with someone. And I hate it. [Note that if you're one of the people I'm intimate with, and you didn't know, don't do anything different just because I've said this now.]
The next time I see someone accusing myself or someone else of
raperhetorically, I'm going to call them out on it. I'm not going to passively sit by and take it any more. Put up, or shut up. What the hell was your rape experience like? And how is that the same as whatever petty drama you're upset about? Oh, you never were? Well then kindly shut the fuck up.
Really, all this accusation of rape is, is verbal bludgeon for attacking and gaining power over people, in a sense… a form of rape itself.
P.S. You know, I don't even identify as trans most of the time. I've mostly forgotten about it (except when I use the bathroom), the only time people identify me as trans, is when they're using it as a weapon against me.
P.P.S. This can not seriously be the
officialMWMF LiveJournal community, right, right? http://community.livejournal.com/michfest/profile
¹ What with working twice as hard as a man, for half the credit, because I'm a woman.
² I know this strikes most of you as being absurd, and it certainly strikes me as absurd, but there are people who very seriously believe this, which I still find hard to believe.
³ No, I don't want to talk about it, you may notice however that I'm still alive.
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Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-24 08:43 am (UTC)Interesting comparison. 'cept they are worlds apart and hardly parallel, but it's got shock value! As it's late I'll just slip ya a link to some stats on domestic violence....
http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:_GcbYMj8qbUJ:endabuse.org/resources/facts/DomesticViolence.pdf+domestic+violence+statistics&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=us
Here's an article on Unequal Pay.....
http://www.usnews.com/articles/news/national/2008/04/23/equal-work-unequal-pay.html
And a link to the bio of some of our female US presidents past, present and future ......
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-24 11:31 am (UTC)Let me see if I follow you here: If I claim I, too, can be hurt by a generalization, then I must be so pig-ignorant that I don't know about domestic violence or unequal pay?
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-24 05:22 pm (UTC)Wow. You original comment was chock full of over blown exaggeration and you've not let up since.
I've got a degree in sociology... and I have to look up the stats to remind myself of the breadth and scope of both. I wasn't implying you don't know about it. I was suggesting you take another swig of the stats.
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-29 10:46 pm (UTC)Are you REALLY claiming that a degree in sociology makes you more qualified than anyone else to speak of the "differences" between gender discrimination and racial discrimination? She gets spotlighted by the police in SEATTLE on a regular basis when taking the bus home from work in downtown, and she dresses quite professionally and wears appropriate, attractive make-up, and is obviously a working businessperson in all respects, but because she is black...
Your responses are increasingly violent and emotionally-based, and I'd have to guess that your own excusal of the behavior of people when they get upset is largely connected to you giving yourself license to be vicious to others when you can't handle your own emotions and act out, as you have in this particular thread in the comments. And I think refusal to take responsibility for violence to others, whether verbal or otherwise, is what's wrong with our society as a whole, and it makes no difference what gender or race or ethnic origin or upbringing someone has. The poster you're being so crass and nasty to has been nothing but polite and very careful with his words, and your reactions are unwarranted, and further, unjustifiable. And they certainly can't be justified by your OWN sexual discrimination.
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-30 01:52 am (UTC)More qualified than whom?
I think there is some merit to study yes. Discussing society and the world around us is a commonly done thing. I do think it's done from a more broadly & deeply informed perspective by those who've spent the hours and years studying that it takes to get a degree. To me that is a better perspective. I would certainly not recommend that people come to me for open heart surgery.
Appropriate attractive makeup.... gag. How sexist. So that makes her ok, then? Does that signify that she is without a doubt a harmless woman? Do working business people ever commit crimes? Can criminals dress in business attire? I had a brief stint as a jewelry fence... (long story, but I did it to avoid violence) I dressed in appropriate attractive make up and wore business attire when I did it. I'm not arguing for racial profiling here. I'm arguing that your reasons for thinking the police assume she's not a criminal are sexist and false. I'm sure probably was racism based that the police harassed your friend. That is wrong. Assuming all business looking people or females dressed in traditional feminine costume are harmless is wrong.
So I shouldn't write with emotion? I'll write from whatever I damn well please thank you. I'm not excusing anyone. If you want to accuse me of stuff then I suggest you read with a little more subtlety in your perception or at least understanding of the basic language I use... which openly states I was wishing to introduce possible theories for some people's thought processes.
As to giving myself license to be vicious to others or your assumptions that I can't handle my emotions... I'll plainly state you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know me. You've no informed basis from which to make such bold and sweeping statements. I'd suggest you look at your reactions and their level of viciousness or emotionality and evaluate if your comment doesn't smack of some hypocrisy.
Saying that it makes no difference what gender or race or background someone has in terms of violence to others takes away the very valid concept of hate crimes. People are hurt because of their race, gender, sexuality etc.. It doesn't make it ok or lessen the responsibility of the perpetrator but it is a very real and salient factor.
I completely disagree that the previous poster was nothing but polite and very careful with his words... It's clear he spoke in inflammatory language and exaggeration. It's at this point where might start to wonder if you aren't a troll. My actions are very much warranted because they are mine. I made them in a space that is for comments made by me. Your lack of appreciation for my comments doesn't determine their merit or place or justifiability. I also claim inalienable rights to speak about gender discrimination in terms of my own experience. However, you will note that I didn't just speak from my experience, but I also supplied statistics from social science studies that speak of broader experiences than just my own.
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-30 02:16 am (UTC)But by all means, get yourself good an stressed out.
You came into someone else's journal and posted a lot of very opinionated and very emotional stuff, including your reactions to a very carefully posted bit that was designed to make potential suggestions, and you're continuing to claim that instead it was somehow designed to specifically upset you. I doubt that person knows you any better than you claim I do, so how could they have intended to upset you? Shouldn't they have missed their mark, if they don't know you?
And my black female friend would bitchslap you if you said that to her face. And I'd think it was appropriate.
You want to debate your opinions, go ahead and debate. Claiming you're playing Devil's Advocate ain't backed up by your obvious upset and the violence your opinions carry in them. You're a very opinionated person, but you can't back your opinions with much more than anger when called to the mat, it seems.
Personally, I find a lot of what you claim to be totally repugnant and disgusting, and I certainly hope that reality wakes you up to those facts. I'm not really interested in trying to talk any sense with you when your reactions are violent, hotheaded, and based more in personal prejudice than in any factual anything.
S'too bad. But at least I know someone not to get tangled up with. See? I'm learning as I get older. :)
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-30 03:57 am (UTC)I think we're misunderstanding each other here. When I mentioned the previous poster I meant the guy who posted the "lost my claim slip" comment to which I responded. Not Julia.
As to saying it would be appropriate for your friend to bitchslap me... and then saying my words are violent & hotheaded etc... ?
You are either a troll and/or deeply confused.
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-30 04:00 am (UTC)Yep, she would bitchslap you into next week.
I'm neither a troll nor deeply confused, but thanks for assuming. :)
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-30 04:14 am (UTC)LOL. I'm not assuming. It's my hotheaded, violent opinion :-)
Re: I checked my privilege but I lost my claim slip
Date: 2008-08-30 04:16 am (UTC)