Paranoia

[foxgrrl]

The morning after I made this post: http://foxgrrl.livejournal.com/50642.html I walked into work — that afternoon actually — and was making random chit-chat with a coworker — flint_otter actually — and he said that he was reading this article on C|Net about how there was some new super-exploit already for the recent Windows vulnerability, and I'm like: Yeah, the MS06-070 one, I just wrote an exploit for it last night. And he's like, No it's something really new as of Tuesday. And I'm like, Yeah, that was MS06-070, unless one of the other ones was horribly exploitable. And he's like, Well, someone just wrote an exploit for it, and it's on the front page of C|Net. And I'm like, Um, I just wrote an exploit for it… And made a mention of it in my blog… Having been around C|Net reporters before, I know that they print a lot of hearsay and rumors from questionable sources. [And as I write this, Nyah keeps trying to tickle me → Just you wait until I write about this in my LJ! I exclaim. It's making it a bit hard to concentrate…]

So, I looked the article up…

http://news.com.com/Experts+raise+Windows+security+alarm/2100-1002_3-6136310.html

Paranoia mounting… Right now, I really don't need nameless cyclopean institutions investigating me… again. Especially, if there's suddenly a huge MS06-070 exploiting-worm outbreak. You know, it looks kinda suspicious, since I told a bunch of people that I write 0-day exploits and internet worms for a living; I might be viewed as a suspect. But I quickly figured out that they were referring to this: http://www.milw0rm.com/exploits/2789 (I still haven't published my MSF3 module anywhere.)

There was a period of time when I wasn't oppressively paranoid all the time, when I wasn't incredibly uptight and stressed out… when I wasn't pretending to be normal. It was right after I transitioned (the first time). In a way, I was really going from one box to another by going stealth - But there was a time in between, when I was outside of the rigid boxes.

Oh yeah, for those of you who didn't know, I'm a MtFtMtWtF transsexual.

What with her being a genderqueer hacker and everything…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian hacker…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian furry hacker…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian pagan furry hacker…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian otherkin pagan furry hacker…
or her being a left-handed genderqueer lesbian otherkin pagan furry hacker…

…life can be pretty difficult on that young lady.

Comments

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

That's pretty amazing. I get the feeling that your neighborhood is maybe the exception rather than the rule any more. I've never lived in an environment like that, and I've lived all over the country, rural and urban... New York (capital city, NYC, and rural farmland), Vermont, New Hampshire, central Iowa, Atlanta area, San Diego, all over the SF Bay (mostly east bay), Olympia WA with a lot of time spent in Seattle, and now up north along the coast with the rednecks and hippies.

I try to be polite, say please and thank you, wait for others to finish speaking and apologize if I accidentally cut someone off... I get out of the fast lane to let faster cars by, and I move over to let merging traffic in on the freeway (both of those are actually required by law in California, but are never enforced). I write thank-you letters. To me, it's just a Golden Rule kind of thing, you know? As my mother (gag) always said, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar"...

As to friendship and boundaries, communication with friends and lovers, unspoken truths, etc., I've never had a stable set of rules provided to me. Usually the rules change in what seems a random fashion from my POV, and I can never keep up, especially without communucation. And I seem to get involved with a lot of people who can communicate just fine when they are reading words on a screen and there's an intarweb between us, and then go hopelessly silent IRL. You can imagine what happens after that... *shudder*

[proudlyfallen.livejournal.com]

Hehe, yes, I can imagine what happens after that, quite well, because I am one of those people! lol.

I live in New England, and yet, when I see "capital city of New York" I still think NYC. >.< Whoops. Actually, I was in Albany a month or so ago... when it got compared to a skyline straight out of Star Wars. Between that, and the fact that people will give you directions to go through a parking garage, Albany just confuses me.

I've been in parts of NYC where people WERE friendly and knew their neighboors. Hell, I knew some of the people around there, and I just went down for weekends and tended to stay in the apartment. Where in NYC did you live?

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

True, there are tight-knit neighborhoods still in NYC, but they are disappearing fast. There's a lot of discussion about that in NYT articles over the past 10 years or so.

Yes, Albany's state office buildings downtown are very Star Wars-ish. :) I had sex once on the groomed lawn area next to the freeway stub/parking garage, where the parking garage fan fens are. ;) I love the thrill of almost getting caught. XD

And at least you KNOW you're like that, which means you're able to work on improving it, and apologizing when it screws things up to whatever degree; most of mine never were aware, never apologized, and ultimately either ran away out of fear of facing that in themselves, or convinced themselves it weren't their fault...