Faking It

[foxgrrl]

I don't really think that I'm a good photographer, and that I'm just pretending to be a good one by taking awesome looking pictures.

I don't really think that I'm a good hacker, and that I'm just pretending to be a good one by writing 0-day remote root exploits.

Comments

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Well, as someone who has made some money shooting as a pro... A "good" photographer covers a lot of bases. There is the technical aspect; understanding DoF, understanding how to set a proper exposure, etc. this also includes darkroom/Photoshop tools and techniques. A big one in that first category is understanding light and lighting, knowing how to set up strobes and how to alter their light quality and output, as well as the use of reflectors and ambient light. And there's even choosing equipment to deliver the results you want; quality glass, remote strobes, high-IOS sensitivity, low sensor noise, etc.

There is artistic value, which covers capturing a moment or emotion, framing for artistic value, setting scene when looking for a particular shot, that sort of thing. This could also be an area for Photoshop/darkroom skills; Ansel Adams' negatives look pretty ordinary when contact printed. The dramatic effects he achieved were done by hand in the darkroom, and are entirely his darkroom mastery in their excellence.

And there is a niche for people who are skilled in whatever combination of the above; what makes a great portrait photographer would not be useful for a sports photographer, or a wildlife photographer. So, what constitutes "good"? A high percentage of usable shots? Making those shots look beyond the scope of what most people could ever hope to do? Are artistically framed?


I can definitely relate to feeling like a pretender. I got that "gift" from my 'rents and their decades of really unmentionable abuse; I now tend to feel like I will be exposed and ridiculed whenever someone touts me as being superior in some fashion to "ordinary" people. I feel that way about my writing a lot... So what if I write for several magazines and wrote a book that was printed with almost no real editing to my manuscript? But knowing that there are people out there who objectively judge my output without bias, and who think it is well-done, that helps a lot, you know? I have so much trouble gauging where I fall on the continuum, and I think that's a BIG problem for a lot of people who grew up in dysfunctional households. You have no context outside of the fucked-up family to understand what "normal" is, and if you are actually talented in a manner that only a small minorty are. clearly, your employers think you're a good enough hacker to keep you on, even though you may not necessarily be a superstar. I hate having someone around who is consistently better at what I do than I am, because it feels like an insurmountable obstacle; "I'll never be really good like xxxx."

All boils down to self-esteem. If I can feel at all good about myself, those "pretender" feelings usually disappear for a good while...