Faking It

[foxgrrl]

I don't really think that I'm a good photographer, and that I'm just pretending to be a good one by taking awesome looking pictures.

I don't really think that I'm a good hacker, and that I'm just pretending to be a good one by writing 0-day remote root exploits.

Comments

[kitten-goddess.livejournal.com]

"I don't really think that I'm a good photographer, and that I'm just pretending to be a good one by taking awesome looking pictures."

Huh??? Isn't that the definition of a good photographer? Someone who takes awesome looking pictures? You lost me here, Julia!

[tenbris.livejournal.com]

thewronghands and I once had a conversation about this, and how even the most qualified of individuals often feel like impostors. It is actually considered a syndrome and is something that plagues minority groups which, as chicks in tech, we v. much are. ;)

*snugs* you aren't alone in the way you feel, but, from just the smidge of what I've seen of you work, you also aren't right in your self-assessment.

[ivy]

Seriously. Most people go through phases like this, convinced that everyone else in their field is comparatively brilliant (when not engaged in gross idiocy), and that we are sluggish and laggardly by comparison. And other people are out there feeling that way about us. Madness. [rueful grin] I'm not qualified to judge photography, but I think you're a good hacker from what I've seen.

[veleda.livejournal.com]

I have days like these too. though on different subjects.

I find for me.. getting through them is all about reminding myself that I am that I am. Bright and Dark.. Great and Mediocre.. and I should stop judging and continue to aspire.

[dymaxion.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're really suffering from imposter syndrome, I think you're just pretending by thinking that you're not actually good at the stuff you're good at.

[digitalsidhe.livejournal.com]

When I first read your post, I chuckled, having somewhat the reaction that kitten_goddess did. But then it caught me a moment later...

Yeah, I kind of know what you mean. Only sometimes, not all the time. When I've recently started a new job is a common time for me to feel like I'm just faking it, and it ranges anywhere from "Hah! These silly people actually fell for my act, and thought I was really a web developer, and hired me as one! Bwahaha, they've simply added a level of legitimacy to my act! (Dude, I'd better look busy and write some code before they catch on.)" all the way to "Ohmigod, what was I thinking, sending out résumés with 'Web Developer' at the top of them? Now I've actually gone and gotten hired as one, and I'm totally screwed when they realize it was just an act! Aaaahhh!"

I'm not feeling that way at the moment, but I do know the feeling.

[changelingjane.livejournal.com]

I've felt the same way about my music... actually almost all the time... But it's all nonsense, really.

[aenaminie.livejournal.com]

There's no such thing as cheating when it comes to creating good art!

[proudlyfallen.livejournal.com]

I actually JUST got over that. I've always loved working with computers, but stopped learning about them because, y'know, I just couldn't compete with the boys. (It didn't help that I was going to school with people who got perfect 1600's on the SATs... in eigth grade...)

But you know what? For every person who makes me look like a total idiot, there's another 10 people who make THEM look like a total idiot. And another 1000 that I make look like total idiots. You just deal, and remember that everyone had to start somewhere. (I started by hacking into our router this weekend, fixing everything my father and the guy who set up the network screwed over [c'mon, only giving out 4 dynamic IPs?! My father's running 3 computers, and I'm running 2...], and I did it mostly by myself, while the geeks who were supposed to be helping/teaching me sat around talking about god-knows-what. Sorry for the ramble, but I'm really proud of myself, and want to tell everyone, even random people who friend me on LJ. *wink*)

If it helps, I have no idea what 0-day means. So you're better than me.

[chirik.livejournal.com]

I don't really think I'm a good system admin. I'm just pretending to be a good one by being able to handle pretty much anything they want me to.

I'm just waiting here until they realize I don't have a clue what I'm doing, and get rid of me.

I know the feeling.

[rhiannasilel.livejournal.com]

Funny, I felt like that before I came into work today....actually, I feel like that almost every day before I come into work strangely enough. I often flashback to this scene from the movie "Conceiving Ada" where Ada keeps banging herself in the head with her hand repeating "I need to learn more...I've got to learn more..."

It's even worse since I moved to the NOC and started training as a Sys Admin. I sit there some nights and wonder how in the world I ended up here and what happens if I screw up? Or worse yet what if I screw up and can't fix it? Screwing up isn't as bad as screwing up and not being able to fix it. Then I feel like I'm overcompensating sometimes because I am the only woman in this department. Bleh...I guess it has to end somewhere, but for what it's worth I don't think you're faking it.

*hugs*

[hollow-hope.livejournal.com]

:: pets ::

Silly =)

[varaviksne.livejournal.com]

I think it is quite common that those who have a particular skill don't realize that they have a special skill. To them, things related to that skill come naturally with no effort. They don't realize that most people would have serious difficulty doing that job.

[roadknight.livejournal.com]

Whenever somebody, esp. one of my geek mob, says this, I am quick to remind them of the 3 Laws of Computer Graphics, which, interestingly enough, apply to a large chunk of programming/hacking in general.

They are:
Lie, Cheat and Steal whenever possible.

Lie: CG is about looks and appearance. If you can convince somebody that they're looking at what you say they're looking at, you win, even if you're lying your face off and they're looking at something completely different.

Cheat: You don't REALLY need to compute the pattern of absolutely every photon to enter and exit a scene. There are equally good-looking shortcuts that take 1/10th or even 1/100th of the time.

Steal: If somebody got something right or looking just like YOU want it to look, and it saves you time and you can use it, steal it. Everybody does it, it's just a matter of whether you call it "building on previous research" or "cut and paste" or "An efficient implementation of the Foobly[96] Encabulation Algorithm". Nobody starts off with and empty vi session and starts typing "include

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<stdio.h>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Whenever somebody, esp. one of my geek mob, says this, I am quick to remind them of the 3 Laws of Computer Graphics, which, interestingly enough, apply to a large chunk of programming/hacking in general.

They are:
Lie, Cheat and Steal whenever possible.

Lie: CG is about looks and appearance. If you can convince somebody that they're looking at what you say they're looking at, you win, even if you're lying your face off and they're looking at something completely different.

Cheat: You don't REALLY need to compute the pattern of absolutely every photon to enter and exit a scene. There are equally good-looking shortcuts that take 1/10th or even 1/100th of the time.

Steal: If somebody got something right or looking just like YOU want it to look, and it saves you time and you can use it, steal it. Everybody does it, it's just a matter of whether you call it "building on previous research" or "cut and paste" or "An efficient implementation of the Foobly[96] Encabulation Algorithm". Nobody starts off with and empty vi session and starts typing "include <stdio.h>"

Point being:
It is RARELY about HOW you get there or get the result. The vast majority of the time, it's ALL about the result. The question isn't "Did you undo the Gordian knot by untying it", but "did you undo it at all".

Truth and faking it

[trema-slo.livejournal.com]

Heck yeah, I sometimes get this feeling too, but for me it goes "I've have been a bad person", or a worse person than many. When it gets too overwhelming my friends will erase the self doubt, and I feel like the angel I am again.

There are no rehearsals for Life, but there are many shows. We are what we make of them.

I look forward to you, real, touching, successful, good-at-faking it even, girfriend.

T.L.

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Well, as someone who has made some money shooting as a pro... A "good" photographer covers a lot of bases. There is the technical aspect; understanding DoF, understanding how to set a proper exposure, etc. this also includes darkroom/Photoshop tools and techniques. A big one in that first category is understanding light and lighting, knowing how to set up strobes and how to alter their light quality and output, as well as the use of reflectors and ambient light. And there's even choosing equipment to deliver the results you want; quality glass, remote strobes, high-IOS sensitivity, low sensor noise, etc.

There is artistic value, which covers capturing a moment or emotion, framing for artistic value, setting scene when looking for a particular shot, that sort of thing. This could also be an area for Photoshop/darkroom skills; Ansel Adams' negatives look pretty ordinary when contact printed. The dramatic effects he achieved were done by hand in the darkroom, and are entirely his darkroom mastery in their excellence.

And there is a niche for people who are skilled in whatever combination of the above; what makes a great portrait photographer would not be useful for a sports photographer, or a wildlife photographer. So, what constitutes "good"? A high percentage of usable shots? Making those shots look beyond the scope of what most people could ever hope to do? Are artistically framed?


I can definitely relate to feeling like a pretender. I got that "gift" from my 'rents and their decades of really unmentionable abuse; I now tend to feel like I will be exposed and ridiculed whenever someone touts me as being superior in some fashion to "ordinary" people. I feel that way about my writing a lot... So what if I write for several magazines and wrote a book that was printed with almost no real editing to my manuscript? But knowing that there are people out there who objectively judge my output without bias, and who think it is well-done, that helps a lot, you know? I have so much trouble gauging where I fall on the continuum, and I think that's a BIG problem for a lot of people who grew up in dysfunctional households. You have no context outside of the fucked-up family to understand what "normal" is, and if you are actually talented in a manner that only a small minorty are. clearly, your employers think you're a good enough hacker to keep you on, even though you may not necessarily be a superstar. I hate having someone around who is consistently better at what I do than I am, because it feels like an insurmountable obstacle; "I'll never be really good like xxxx."

All boils down to self-esteem. If I can feel at all good about myself, those "pretender" feelings usually disappear for a good while...