Another post from my phone

[foxgrrl]

Something that I'm not sure of how to deal with, are people who are extremely reluctant to try anything new. Like if there is something that is special and wonderous for me, and I want to share it with someone, they'll be like "But what if I won't like that." and I'm like: "the future hasn't happened yet, and it's my favorite thing." and so I bring them to the special thing, and they complain biterly the whole time. Like if I bring them to my favorite restaurant, they go on and on about how horrible the food is. Because it's not just like McDonnalds. Or if I bring them hiking to my favorite woods, etc. They'll complain about the trees. Or complain about the sand at the beach, and all that horrible sunlight, etc.

I want to shake some sense into these people and tell them: "Listen! The person making your life horrible is you. You're the one calling everything horrible wherever you go."

What I really want if for them to enjoy themsevles and have fun.

EDIT: I was distracted and forgot to mention that from the moment the question is asked, they've alredy decided to hate it, long before the activity happens. (They'll go on and on about how horrible it's going to be.)

EDIT 2: This wasn't neccesarilly about just getting people to try new foods. There is an implicit message that underlies this mode of communication that the entire world should be absolutely safe and comfortable. Conversations will go like:
(Person travels thousands of miles to California for the first time.)
"Hey, have you ever seen the Pacific Ocean?"
"No"
"Would you like to?"
"Yes."
"Ok, well let's go now since it's the only opportunity before you leave."
"But what if your car breaks down?"
"Well, it's brand new, in good maintainence, has never had a failure to date, and I have roadside assistance anyway."
"But what if (some other unlikely problem)."
"(Not a problem)"
[Iterate pattern.]
"Ok let's do something else here while you have the opportunity. How about [local thingy]?
"But what if (another trivial problem)?"


Aargh, these arn't horribly grave problems, nor dangerous risks.

Comments

[alfrecht.livejournal.com]

Wow, that doesn't sound familiar to me at all...

*cough, cough--EX BOYFRIEND--cough, cough...*

[foxgrrl]

The examples are from one of my ex-GFs.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

...sounds like a good reason for her to be ex.

[foxgrrl]

There were some more severe reasons why I dumped her. But this was amount them.

I still deal with people like this from time to time, I'm not sure how I can help them.

[uncledark.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure you can, or should, help them. It's not something that will change as soon as they realize that they're wrong. For that matter, it may not be wrong, given whatever they're dealing with.

It is certainly annoying, and can hurt a relationship in several ways. I get that, have been there, got the t-shirt...

But, I must confess, I've also been that bitchy person. When I'm depressed, worn out, or angry or scared for reasons entirely unrelated to the new thing, I want the comfort of the familiar. Demands that I share in the new feel more like "demands" than "sharing," no matter how they're meant.

I try to not be bad about it, but that aspect is still there.

[foxgrrl]

I find myself reaching the point where when I hear:
"But what if I get hurt." (Only several hundred million people over the last century have done it and survived.)
"But what if I don't like it."
"But what if it's too hot/cold."
"But what if my hair gets messed up."
"But what if your car breaks down."
"But what if I go crazy."
"But what if it smells bad."
"But what if your pretty shinny thing is really ugly."
"But what if eveyone hates me."
"But what if we're kidnapped by pirates." (Unfortunately no one has been this creative.)
"But what if [some incredibly improbable thing] happens."

... I just want to grab them and say: "Look! These are the bars of the prison that holds you! You built them and you are the only one keeping yourself trapped. Break free and live dammit!"

[uncledark.livejournal.com]

Like I said, I understand the frustration. But it isn't my place to make them grow, is it? Who says I know better than they what they can or cannot take?

[ivy]

I think the point of sanity for that sort of thing is just to flatly say "I don't want to do $foo". Rather than setting up reasons which can be knocked down, just expressing "I'm tired and I don't want a growth experience today, I want a grilled cheese sandwich and some tomato soup" seems simpler. Or from the other side, a non-resentful "if you don't want to, just say so, that's okay". And then I go find people who *do* want to do $interesting_fun_thing with me.

(My experience with this is grounded in being a raging extrovert dating two raging introverts. [grin] We all had to come to that sort of balance long ago, or we'd have driven each other mad by now. I learn to hear "no", they learn to say "yes" when they really feel like it, not because they think they have to please me. But if they say no, they have to not resent me going and doing it with someone else. I'm sure it wouldn't work for everyone, but it's good for us.)

[uncledark.livejournal.com]

Yes. That.

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

I think it's normal to be like this in some arenas - I, for instance, am desperately uninterested in new food experiences. But being like that about everything is just... blah.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

*hug* :) I'm so glad you said it. :) I was biting my tongue not ranting about your eating habits. When we lived together, that was the one thing about you that just drove me completely utterly bonkers. :)

[tracerj.livejournal.com]

This is something that I deal with in three separate directions with my roomies. One can't do fish or vegetables (don't ask why) meaning her diet is basically strongly opposite mine. Another has a very limited range of food styles that she'll eat, most of which are things that just don't excite me at all. My wife is fairly flexible, but sometimes getting her to be adventurous in food is like pulling teeth from moai heads. (Usually, I just end up finding a situation in which she can get something comfortable and I get something 'crazy', and then convince her to try a little, and wait for her to decide it's a worthy experiment. I did this recently with borscht. She ended up liking it more than what she ordered.)

I guess I've just fallen into a pattern of offering some of what I'm having and accepting refusal. Still, it can be a pain in the butt when we try to coordinate food for all of us, and I'm tired of ending up at crappy generic chain restaurants. We're all driving each other nuts!

[shatterstripes.livejournal.com]

Hee. I am perfectly aware that I am annoyingly boring in my eating habits, and generally not open to experimentation! I am still a picky eater, and I don't think being really broke helped - I'm just not interested in experimentation; I'd rather have something I know I can eat without complicated work, or the risk of it being nasty but having to eat it anyway.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

, she said to the loon that just finished identifying yet another non-edible mushroom that she'd considered putting in her mouth...

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that while the majority of mushrooms aren't deadly poison and many are edible, the universe is filled with millions of the half-dozen non-edible-really-boring-types.

They're a lot like people in that regard.