Closed Eye Visuals

[foxgrrl]

Frequently, for at least the last decade or so, when I close my eyes, I see very intense and organic images. I didn't realize that this was at all unusual until I was discussing the effects that psychedelics have with a friend of mine. What they described that they experienced while tripping, sounds a lot like what I experience all the time.

The visuals don't continue over into the open-eyed world. So I can be sitting in Physics class, taking notes on Hamiltonian mechanics, close my eyes and watch the ladybugs crawling over the grass, open my eyes and take some more notes, close my eyes and watch the waves breaking at the ocean, open my eyes and take some more notes…

The world, this world, looks the same as it always has — as I've experienced it from childhood. So this doesn't effect my ability to drive, or play sports, or be a good little worker drone. But when I close my eyes, I can watch a slow pan over the surface of a small river, with long blades of green grass sticking up through the surface. Everything is shinning, as if the surface was a glossy photograph. Beneath the water, wisps of gray-blue smoke, flowing and curling over the rocks and under the glossy surface.

Infinitesimally thin metallic colored filaments, twisting into helices, swaying slowly back and forth. Red arched doorways, rimmed with rows of shark's teeth, morphing into a regular series of caves. Hills covered with white adobe buildings, glowing in the twilight. Tidal pools with anemones morphing into Wolves running across arctic tundra… You don't see this stuff when you close your eyes?

I wonder if there's some part of my brain that's just dreaming all the time, or at least at times like these, and that's why I don't have to sleep in this state. (Other than my physical body becoming very worn.)

There have been a few occasions, where these visions have matched up with my current environment. I can basically look around the room, walk around, and find stuff, all with my eyes firmly shut. The odd thing about these occasions is that everything is either a very noisy/grainy black and white image, with unusual lighting — the way things usually are when I have a full hypnogogic experience. Or I see everything in full color, with colorful fuzz dripping off of everything (like shag carpeting, or liquid plastic), and I can look through solid objects too — this has only really happened once or twice.

Maybe I'm just crazy.

[Poll #1002237]

Comments

[alfrecht.livejournal.com]

I was on very heavy (almost toxic) level of theophyline (I can't recall if that's the correct spelling--it might not have an "e" on the end), which, in the case of the particular form I was on (Theo-Dur), was shown to cause type I diabetes in lab animals in large enough doses. Guess what? I got type I diabetes from it! Anyway, I'm interested in hearing further info, if you have any...

[alfrecht.livejournal.com]

I was also on sporadic heavy doses of Prednisone at the time as well; I think the cocktail probably didn't do my system very well in general. I knew someone who became a Type I diabetic late in life, who had Crone's Disease, and was on prednisone for that...I wonder if there isn't a connection there as well. Hmm.

At this point, not only do I not trust doctors very much, I also can't even afford to go to them (no job, no insurance). The medical system in this country is a complete racket; I lived in Ireland for five years, and even as a non-citizen, I had access to totally free medical care (which even most of their citizens don't get) because of my multiple conditions, which their administration simply views as "bad luck" and therefore people in that situation should get assistance.