Paranoia

[foxgrrl]

The morning after I made this post: http://foxgrrl.livejournal.com/50642.html I walked into work — that afternoon actually — and was making random chit-chat with a coworker — flint_otter actually — and he said that he was reading this article on C|Net about how there was some new super-exploit already for the recent Windows vulnerability, and I'm like: Yeah, the MS06-070 one, I just wrote an exploit for it last night. And he's like, No it's something really new as of Tuesday. And I'm like, Yeah, that was MS06-070, unless one of the other ones was horribly exploitable. And he's like, Well, someone just wrote an exploit for it, and it's on the front page of C|Net. And I'm like, Um, I just wrote an exploit for it… And made a mention of it in my blog… Having been around C|Net reporters before, I know that they print a lot of hearsay and rumors from questionable sources. [And as I write this, Nyah keeps trying to tickle me → Just you wait until I write about this in my LJ! I exclaim. It's making it a bit hard to concentrate…]

So, I looked the article up…

http://news.com.com/Experts+raise+Windows+security+alarm/2100-1002_3-6136310.html

Paranoia mounting… Right now, I really don't need nameless cyclopean institutions investigating me… again. Especially, if there's suddenly a huge MS06-070 exploiting-worm outbreak. You know, it looks kinda suspicious, since I told a bunch of people that I write 0-day exploits and internet worms for a living; I might be viewed as a suspect. But I quickly figured out that they were referring to this: http://www.milw0rm.com/exploits/2789 (I still haven't published my MSF3 module anywhere.)

There was a period of time when I wasn't oppressively paranoid all the time, when I wasn't incredibly uptight and stressed out… when I wasn't pretending to be normal. It was right after I transitioned (the first time). In a way, I was really going from one box to another by going stealth - But there was a time in between, when I was outside of the rigid boxes.

Oh yeah, for those of you who didn't know, I'm a MtFtMtWtF transsexual.

What with her being a genderqueer hacker and everything…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian hacker…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian furry hacker…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian pagan furry hacker…
or her being a genderqueer lesbian otherkin pagan furry hacker…
or her being a left-handed genderqueer lesbian otherkin pagan furry hacker…

…life can be pretty difficult on that young lady.

Comments

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Therians, as I understand it, range from those who feel they have an animal spirit in them that makes them part animal, but don't transform, to those who lucid dream/have sleep paralysis where they control their dreams and take animal form, to those who actually believe they transform physically, or at least that's what they tell other people. The therians I have known tend to be extremely skeptical of claims of transformation, both of the claims and the sanity of the claimer. ;) If someone was going to pigeonhole me, I'd probably come down on the therian side of things, on the moderate end (Native American-style animal totem/spirit guide). I consider therian to be a subset of otherkin, although I think there are a lot of therians who feel they are substantially different from most other-otherkin.

It's like trying to describe my sexual orientation and gender identity... It would take days, and you'd probably be more confused after than before. :p

[proudlyfallen.livejournal.com]

The lucid dreaming... do you mean dreamwalkers, or something else? (One of my good friends is a dreamwalker -- the first time he showed up in my bedroom while I was awake he scared the living daylights out of me.)

Another question... does otherkin refer to physical attributes, (fairy eyes, natural fangs, physical signs of vampirism, mood-dependant eye color, etc) or just astral stuff? (Sorry to ask so many questions, but you're just being so helpful! And honestly, until a few months ago, I didn't know all this was so well-known -- I thought my little community of various cats, wolves, coyotes, and vampire sub-types was unusual!)

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Similar to dreamwalkers. The ones I know control their dreams as if they are conscious, and can do things and go places in the "real" world via their dreams, but it's generally a personal thing, not a "visit other people while they are sleeping" kinda thing. I dealt with a VERY curious form of that with one of my exes, in fact.

Otherkin generally have it all "internal", but if you believe in psychic energy, it is said they can "read" less as humans and more as other things. Some otherkin decorate themselves with various things (fairy wings, cat-eye contact lenses, what have you), but that's more an outward expression, I think, than a necessity or part of their identity they couldn't live without.

And those who are reading this (if anyone), jump in any time if you have a different viewpoint. My experience here is very limited, and I may not be accurately portraying the greater community as a whole.

[proudlyfallen.livejournal.com]

... I don't think I'd think very highly of anyone who used colored contacts to identify as "other". Especially as I'll use eye color to confirm suspicions I have. (It's unusually accurate, compared to, say... asking... lol)

I doubt anyone else is still following this. Most people on LJ tend to check their friends page and then move on. (At least, that's what I've noticed)

[oygevalte.livejournal.com]

Well, that would separate the play actors from those who believe they are other... The play actors have nothing beyond the costume, while the "believers" might enhance their appearance to reinforce their feelings/belief or to be more readily identifiable to others. But hey, I'm not one to pass judgment on folks for how they do what they do... Only if they try to make others believe they're something that they're not.

Now you have me wanting to give you a photo of my eyes to be "analyzed". ;)

[proudlyfallen.livejournal.com]

Heh, if you want to, feel free! My e-mail is on my profile. ;-)