Declaration

[foxgrrl]

Attention people: I am not longer taking responsibility for your lives. Especially if you're going to freak out because I'm five minutes late, to spend my time and money to drive you to something in two hours. "We didn't know if you were going to be five minutes late or five hours!" Please, is this really your opinion of me, that I'm that flakey. Oh, and that I was wrong for being "Out of communication" when I wasted over five minutes searching for your number to call. You could have called me you know. (And when I'm late because I was busy helping someone else out.

"Julia, can you..." No, no I can't, unless you're paying me money or sleeping with me. Deal with your own problems. I'm out of time. This is why I'm exhausted all the time, I rarely get time for myself.

Comments

[veedub.livejournal.com]

ah, those feri lessons are taking effect....

[foxgrrl]

So, one of the things that happens when people freak out at me like this, is that if I've agreeded to be at X location at Y time, and I don't make that, then I'm a liar, and everything I say is bullshit, etc. etc. And I'm not sure how to argue with that, since I'm "responible"

(I'd write some more but doing this from my phone is an ordeal.)

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

if I've agreed to be at X location at Y time, and I don't make that, then I'm a liar, and everything I say is bullshit

Uh. These people are batfuck insane. I am forgetting the Latin name for the logical fallacy in question, but suffice it to say that they are applying the principle of induction in a ridiculously invalid fashion. At most, they could conclude "foxgrrl is sometimes late," in rather the way that people who know me are reasonable to conclude "Meredith is chronically late." (From sufficient evidence, anyway.)

("There is at least one sheep in Scotland, at least one side of which is black.")

Also, let him who is without sin among you cast the first stone and so on and so forth.

[veedub.livejournal.com]

if I've agreeded to be at X location at Y time, and I don't make that, then I'm a liar, and everything I say is bullshit, etc. etc.

oh, please. that's just plain and simple power/guilt tripping. you are the one doing the favor--that doesn't confer on them to right to get up your nose if the favor isn't done precisely to their specifications due to unavoidable circumstances. they should be glad you showed up at all.

with friends like these,who needs enemies?

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Ummm... bullshit.

Not being there one time for one reason... is not being a liar and everything you say is bullshit. Now if you were not there every time, for a few dozen times, that's not cool. But that's not being a liar and everything you say is bullshit either.

Whoever is treating you this way is playing games with you. They may not know they are doing it. It may not be deliberate, but these are power games. You're supposed to say oh, no, I am so terrible and bad, why are you still my friend, what can I to make you stay my friend, and then they can get x, y, and z out of this. I'd take some time away from them. That's just my choice right now.

Another thing I've noticed is that people who play games react very nastily to being called on their games, no matter how nice you are about it. The mere fact that you dared to call them on it is somehow a Tewwible and Offensive thing. This tends to make me more distant from folks who have a history of this behavior. YMMV.

[kitten-goddess.livejournal.com]

That's a really insane and inane reaction to have, especially to you. You are one of the most responsible and level-headed people I know, and I know lots of level-headed and responsible folks.

Some people I know are habitually late, so I simply plan to bring something to read. Otherwise, I simply pull out the cell phone and call the party in question to see what's going on.

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Yay!

Get ready tho, because once you start having boundaries, and expressing them, your social circle will change, your partnerz may change, and a lot will change. You may lose a lot of people once it's clear you are not "easy to get along with," for values of easy-to-get-along-with that look suspiciously like doormat.

Don't get me wrong, being genuinely easy to get along with is a Very Good Thing, and something I wish everyone was into. But some folks parse doormat and easy-to-get-along-with as the same and identical. No. Not quite.

Congratulations!