Something that's been on my mind lately

[foxgrrl]

On Monday [Apr 21], I was standing on the sidewalk in downtown San Francisco [near Civic Center], speaking with Nyah. A homeless-looking woman came around the corner, followed by a homeless-looking man; They appeared to be having some kind of argument, the subject of which I could not discern. The man grabbed onto the woman and pinned her up against the wall (there was more yelling and stuff), the man also appeared to be pulling his pants down [or possibly up]. To me, it looked like things were about to get worse, so completely without thinking about it, I yelled at the guy twice as I ran up (he ignored me), and then shoved him off the woman (who fled the scene) (then he noticed me). He yelled at me a bunch, I don't remember what he said, I was like Yeah, yeah, whatever I was mostly thinking about how I would avoid coming into contact with his bodily fluids if I had to incapacitate him. He walked down the sidewalk, looking backwards at me, in the direction the woman fled, yelling at me the whole time, and then after about twenty feet he turned around and came back. He stood just out of arm reach, and wanted me to agree to something, I think that it was something like: I need to watch out, because the next time he sees me, he'll kick my ass. [Not this time of course.] And I was like yeah, whatever as I was targeting where to grab him if he moved any closer. He walked away again, satisfied (I guess) with my answer, then after twenty feet or so, turned around again, and came up right next to me again. I think he was asking me the same question again. And I did the same thing, and he walked away again, and after the same distance, turned back around and came back, again. And so I did the same thing, and then he finally left, and didn't come back to ask me something unintelligible.

I went back over to Nyah, and immediately picked up the conversation where it left off, as if nothing had happened. However, she couldn't continue the conversation because she was in shock. I realized that I had felt no fear at all, which was a little bit surprising, as this is the sort of situation where you might expect one would feel fear. In fact, I'm a little bit concerned about this as it would seem like a symptom on some DSM entry.

So, I'm not sure what story I should tell myself: What this experience means about me. Does it mean that I'm a hero, that my true calling is law enforcement not computer security? Does it mean that I'm a cold emotionless psychopath? (Or at least that my emergency backup personality is.)

It also occurred to me a few days later, that I probably should have called the police at the time. It also occurred to me that, technically speaking I assaulted the guy. (Though it may not technically be assault if you're stopping another crime; I am not a lawyer.)

Tangent: There was another homeless-looking black man down the street who after watching the above take place, accused me of being a racist. I couldn't understand why; I pulled that [black] man off that woman because I thought he was about to rape her, not because I hate blacks. He also accused Nyah of being a racist too, although she hadn't moved or said anything. I really didn't want to get into a dialog with this guy over why I'm not a racist, since I suspect that he probably accuses everyone of being racist. So I mostly ignored him, and he went away. As he was leaving I heard the first reasonable thing out of his mouth: He said that I was a racist, because if it had been a black woman, I wouldn't have saved her. I didn't really know how to respond to that… Especially since I thought that the woman was black, and more importantly: I would have saved anyone in that situation.

---

Postscript: This is not the first time in which I've been in a situation like this.

Comments

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

I think you did the right thing.

Doing the right thing doesn't necessarily mean your calling is anything other than what you get the most fulfillment out of doing. It does mean that you have it in you to help people who are in bad situations and need it, and that says a lot of good things about you.

[ephermata.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't worry that you are a psychopath. You react quickly in times of stress, then deal with the emotional effects later. (Like in this LJ post.) Maybe you express emotions sometimes without breaking down. this is fine; worrying too much about the reactions you're "supposed to have" is a good way to drive yourself batty.

[5p1ic3.livejournal.com]

You did exactly what you should have done in a situation like that...Getting the police would have taken too long and help would not have arrived in time. So, something much worse could have happened. Though, I would have quickly escaped the homeless man after saving the woman.

[ilcylic.livejournal.com]

I believe she meant "calling the police afterwards", which she is correct, she should have done. CYA, if nothing else. As a buddy of mine in PA learned the hard way, you don't want to be the second person to call the cops in any altercation. For him, self defence froma homeless guy turned into 18 months of criminal defence proceedings. Eventually found not guilty, but it wasn't exactly cheap. As for your point about calling at the time, I agree. When seconds count, the police are only minutes away.

And, technically, this was "Battery", not "Assault". Assault is yelling and threats, but no physical contact. Once you grab someone, it turns into battery. And most places, defending someone else is reasonable defence against charges of A&B, but I don't know what stupid anti-defence laws SF has passed.

[vexen.livejournal.com]

Been in many confrontational arguements? Experience begets calmness.

Failing that, everyone has moments like that and one event isn't enough to equate to anything in DSM! It would be a symptom if you NEVER felt fear! And than again... according to the nomenclature of DSM, psychological abnormalities are only an issue, and are only truly abnormal, if they affect a person's beahviour *in a negative way*. In other words, if its ok then don't worry about it!

And... by the way:

Cool, Go You!! I'm well impressed :-)

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

I don't know if it means you're a psychopath or not, but it is a really good story, and I think any amount of craziness is forgivable if it makes a good story. And from the way you tell it, it is easy to interpret your actions as noble.

[solarbird]

Relax; you're good; well done. ^_^

[varaviksne.livejournal.com]

What is it with homeless people this week?

On Tuesday the 22nd I was waiting for the Highway 17 bus at its last stop in San Jose before it gets onto the freeway. There was a guy sitting in the bus shelter so I stood about 10 feet away. Eventually, the sitter asked for a quarter. At that point I noticed that he appeared to be homeless. I refused to give money. Then he asked something unintelligible. I indicated in the negative. This launched him into a multi-minute diatribe about nationalities and how the French people don't like me. Eventually he wandered off, but similar to your guy, he would walk 20 feet, resume the diatribe, walk 20, resume, walk, and resume until he was out of earshot.

During this exchange, I never felt scared. I was however a bit annoyed. Once I saw the guy was homeless, I knew he wasn't waiting for the 17 bus because homeless types don't ride it. Only laptop toting rich yuppies do. I knew I'd be rid of him momentarily.

Transition has given me a Dirty Harry make my day attitude. A 1 hour Krav Maga self defense seminar has strengthened that attitude. "Life" has stomped on me enough. It is time to assert myself.

About the bodily fluids: I think if you land a single incapacitating hit, you won't get bodily fluids on yourself. It is only after you've injured your opponent that you are at risk.

[bosn.livejournal.com]

I think the question is would have done anything if it was a finely dressed couple? I have broken up bumb fights before but only becuase they have been in my worksite and I usually had some sort of weapon (board or iron rod) in my hand.

You did take a chance but I think because the homeless are so use to being ignored you took him by surprise. So you had the odds with you this time.

Its nice to see that there are still a few people out there with a little heart and just a little fire in there belly. I would like to think that I would have done the same thing.

[wickedladybear.livejournal.com]

Actually I think you're pretty damn spiff for stepping in and doing something. My sister has that same sense of getting between abuser and abusee without even thinking about it, without the idea of fear(rather without the fear of the consequeces stopping the process of getting in people's faces). She has no concept of the "somebody else's problem' field. One of many, many things I admire about her, and now, about you.

You totally deserve a big kiss on the cheek when next we see you (if that doesn't violate boundaries for you, of course!)

[yetanotherbob.livejournal.com]

Most of what I'd say has already been said, so I'll add this tidbit. What you did isn't some DSM entry or psychopathia, etc. During an adrenaline rush, emotions and sensations of pain are postponed in order to get the job done. It's the evolved mechanics behind "fight or flight". So it's perfectly normal and healthy, and not something you should worry about.

[emiofbrie.livejournal.com]

"Battery" and "Assault" on your part was not a crime. Most states call it "affirmative defense", an offshoot of self-defense. If you prevented someone from causing serious bodily harm through your actions, it's not an actionable offense.

[calicatmerlin.livejournal.com]

You did the right thing and I agree with feyandstrange that it would have been best to shout to Nyah to call the police while you intervened.

You stepped up in a situation that most people would rather avoid and not consider getting involved in. Especially since they were people that apparently were homeless. Most folks walking that area would keep on walking or pay no mind.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

I teach this stuff. You did good. Extra points for declining further combat.

[siphet.livejournal.com]

since I suspect that he probably accuses everyone of being racist.

quite likely.

...He said that I was a racist, because if it had been a black woman, I wouldn't have saved her

understandable assumption, inaccurate though it is.



my compliments on your actions!

[anaisdjuna.livejournal.com]

You go girl!!!! (that is really hot btw) Way to defend your sisterz. We have to stick together. A lot of women would not have done what you did. A lot of men wouldn't have done what you did. You took a risk to your personal safety to prevent what would have been a horrific crime to that woman; one that she would have never forgotten.

As to psychopathy.... No. A psychopath wouldn't have helped. Would have raped one of them herself. Would have beaten the ever living crap out of the guy. You reacted as a rational person who was enacting the best solution at hand to a time sensitive problem. You also reacted as someone would from your background... You know what survival is.

As for some of the comments.... The police would have understood the situation, I believe. The homeless guy would not have felt he had more privilege than you in a sociology battle with the police as judge. You had Nyah as a witness.

Most importantly... You stepped up for a sister. Go you!

[tobyhush.livejournal.com]

You are clearly not a cold emotionless psychopath. A cold emotionless psychopath wouldn't have bothered to put themselves in even a small part of harm's way for another human being unless there was a clear profit to be gained (of some sort).
You are not crazy even or at least not because of your response to this. Many/most people I know would have stepped in in some fashion, though it's much more common in women than in men (men frequently get trained that we are big and dangerous and so shouldn't use our strength and must always touch softly. Makes using reasonable force hard at times).
The fact that it didn't cause you to interrupt your conversation is interesting and not as common but of course, it was a crazy person in SF and there are things I expect there that I don't expect elsewhere. You may have developed an unusual response to violence as a result of more exposure to it than most people have (I don't know how much exposure to violence you've had).
You may also just be one of those people who respond to violence by getting very calm. It's a wonderful trait and I'm not sure it can be taught. I've heard of other people who have it, I wish I did, I've had to learn to deal with adrenaline and tuning it down.
Really. You aren't crazy, you need to look at the literature around psychology of violence and look at statements from cops and martial artists. Don't listen to anyone who doesn't have a LOT of time spent looking at this specific area. Especially if they haven't ever been exposed to violence or are uncomfortable with it, they will offer an opinion that is worthless or possibly harmful to you.
As for what your true calling is... that's up to you. I truly believe that my calling is to be a traveling evangelical preacher, but I'm making do with other things for the time being. :)

[spoonless.livejournal.com]

Bravo, for doing the right thing. Most people would just walk on past, unfortunately.

I got mugged at gunpoint, and found myself disturbed afterwards that I hadn't felt any fear. The other people I was with were all freaked out afterwards and I was just like "huh... that was interesting. Good thing he didn't get much money." In fact, I told them I had been really scared just so I didn't sound strange... I actually felt kind of guilty, like I should have been scared. I don't understand it... I get terrified in social situations sometimes. But for some reason when my life is actually in danger, I apparently am apathetic. I've wondered what that means, but have not come to a full conclusion.