Declaration

[foxgrrl]

Attention people: I am not longer taking responsibility for your lives. Especially if you're going to freak out because I'm five minutes late, to spend my time and money to drive you to something in two hours. "We didn't know if you were going to be five minutes late or five hours!" Please, is this really your opinion of me, that I'm that flakey. Oh, and that I was wrong for being "Out of communication" when I wasted over five minutes searching for your number to call. You could have called me you know. (And when I'm late because I was busy helping someone else out.

"Julia, can you..." No, no I can't, unless you're paying me money or sleeping with me. Deal with your own problems. I'm out of time. This is why I'm exhausted all the time, I rarely get time for myself.

Comments

[merovingian.livejournal.com]

Hoorah! Go you!

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

Wow. I hope I haven't done this, um, ever. If I have, please smack me, and not in a good way.

[foxgrrl]

Don't worry, you're in the special category of 'people I sleep with', and you don't flip out over petty things when I'm doing you favors.

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

People you sleep with should treat you well too.

[solarbird]

Attention people: I am not longer taking responsibility for your lives.
Now comes the difficult part: making it stick. Good luck.

[foxgrrl]

I've said this before, but then I've eliminated those people from my life, so it was no longer an issue. And so I never get any practice saying "no", as all the people I'm left with are cool.

[tarathene.livejournal.com]

I can ask you for help with not especially interesting or important things if you really would like practice, but I'd rather not be anyone doing that to you!

I won't say that the people you're sleeping with should treat you better, but then I think everyone should be rather awesome to each other in general. As this world seems to go, though, I agree that they should treat you better than the fictional average members of society probably do.

[octalpussy.livejournal.com]

Congratulations... I really wish I had the strength to say that.

[foxgrrl]

This sort of drama was the reason why I broke up with my old GF Christine in 2006.

[veedub.livejournal.com]

ah, those feri lessons are taking effect....

[foxgrrl]

So, one of the things that happens when people freak out at me like this, is that if I've agreeded to be at X location at Y time, and I don't make that, then I'm a liar, and everything I say is bullshit, etc. etc. And I'm not sure how to argue with that, since I'm "responible"

(I'd write some more but doing this from my phone is an ordeal.)

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

if I've agreed to be at X location at Y time, and I don't make that, then I'm a liar, and everything I say is bullshit

Uh. These people are batfuck insane. I am forgetting the Latin name for the logical fallacy in question, but suffice it to say that they are applying the principle of induction in a ridiculously invalid fashion. At most, they could conclude "foxgrrl is sometimes late," in rather the way that people who know me are reasonable to conclude "Meredith is chronically late." (From sufficient evidence, anyway.)

("There is at least one sheep in Scotland, at least one side of which is black.")

Also, let him who is without sin among you cast the first stone and so on and so forth.

[veedub.livejournal.com]

if I've agreeded to be at X location at Y time, and I don't make that, then I'm a liar, and everything I say is bullshit, etc. etc.

oh, please. that's just plain and simple power/guilt tripping. you are the one doing the favor--that doesn't confer on them to right to get up your nose if the favor isn't done precisely to their specifications due to unavoidable circumstances. they should be glad you showed up at all.

with friends like these,who needs enemies?

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Ummm... bullshit.

Not being there one time for one reason... is not being a liar and everything you say is bullshit. Now if you were not there every time, for a few dozen times, that's not cool. But that's not being a liar and everything you say is bullshit either.

Whoever is treating you this way is playing games with you. They may not know they are doing it. It may not be deliberate, but these are power games. You're supposed to say oh, no, I am so terrible and bad, why are you still my friend, what can I to make you stay my friend, and then they can get x, y, and z out of this. I'd take some time away from them. That's just my choice right now.

Another thing I've noticed is that people who play games react very nastily to being called on their games, no matter how nice you are about it. The mere fact that you dared to call them on it is somehow a Tewwible and Offensive thing. This tends to make me more distant from folks who have a history of this behavior. YMMV.

[kitten-goddess.livejournal.com]

That's a really insane and inane reaction to have, especially to you. You are one of the most responsible and level-headed people I know, and I know lots of level-headed and responsible folks.

Some people I know are habitually late, so I simply plan to bring something to read. Otherwise, I simply pull out the cell phone and call the party in question to see what's going on.

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Yay!

Get ready tho, because once you start having boundaries, and expressing them, your social circle will change, your partnerz may change, and a lot will change. You may lose a lot of people once it's clear you are not "easy to get along with," for values of easy-to-get-along-with that look suspiciously like doormat.

Don't get me wrong, being genuinely easy to get along with is a Very Good Thing, and something I wish everyone was into. But some folks parse doormat and easy-to-get-along-with as the same and identical. No. Not quite.

Congratulations!

[pope-guilty.livejournal.com]

:D

[aenaminie.livejournal.com]

For some reason I just came to the same conclusion myself. I'm just done with bullshit =P And think today was my day to be done with it :P

[aenaminie.livejournal.com]

BTW: Tell me of the next party you plan to attend. We should attend it in style!

[tiggerfox.livejournal.com]

we should throw a fuck the BS party!

[foxgrrl]

http://www.acidtotem.net this Friday.
SF TGLB Pride on Sunday, then possibly rave in Golden Gate park.

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

Speaking of parties, should you wish to come to a fun little hackfest (consisting mostly of old-school CodeCon folks) up in the city tomorrow night, lemme know and I'll shoot you the info.

[foxgrrl]

I think I can make it.

[davidsarah.livejournal.com]

That would be the party where I met you both. Glad you made it!

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Oh. You decided you're coming with me? Keen. ^_^

BTW, I don't know if you're interested but the trans* march is in San Fran at 7PM that day. I'm going to work in SF that day because Stacey is going to the march and it seemed like it'd just save time.

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

The Friday night thing? I was thinking about that too, as a number of folks I know are already going, and hanging out with y'all would tip the "cool people" balance positive enough to drag me out of the house.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Woot! That'd be very cool! I could spring for dinner (as it's an excuse for me to go to Naan and Curry)

[maradydd.livejournal.com]

This sounds suspiciously like a plan!

I am not quite as brokeass as I have been, so I can actually support myself, too :)

[foxgrrl]

Actually, I am interested in that.

[ivy]

Bravo for boundaries! You deserve better.

[secretsoflife.livejournal.com]

beat me to it. boundaries are teh awesome when correctly implemented :)

[tiggerfox.livejournal.com]

Can we sleep together just in case I might need you to do something for me in the future =P j/k

Stand your ground, don't take shit from anyone, your to good for that!

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

Good going, Julia! You deserve your boundaries.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Can I sleep with you and ask for nothing in return? *hug*

[circuit-four.livejournal.com]

Juuuuuuulia, I need a glassawaaaaaaaaaaater! ;_~

[anaisdjuna.livejournal.com]

Damn girl! Cancer comes rockin' outta that shell, both clawz snappin'! Woo! Glad I'm not staring down the barrel of that....

Though I don't think I would be. I'm not so arrogant and unappreciative of stuff people do for & with me that I would act a fool like that. I have plehnnnnnty of issues, oh yeah. (currently floored by recent discoveries of them) I'm really glad those aren't it.

You're beautiful, honey. Good for you for sticking up for what's right and what's right for you. Your other homies have a lot of good stuff to say here from which I learned. I especially like inflectionpoint's comments on the change that will happen in your social circle when you implement healthy boundaries and stick to it. It's a good thing for you and you are also teaching them as well. enochsmiles's idea of people with whom you sleep should treat you better is good also; as they have passed through doors to more intimate spaces with more potential bits to bruise in the environs.

Mew! You sure are warm and cute to sleep with :-) Wish I were there to do you a favor just cuz I'm sweet on your sweetnesses.

*Hugs and Powah!*

XOXOXO :-)

Adj.

[t-bellwether.livejournal.com]

Rock on, Julia. <3

[(Anonymous)]

I know the feeling. People in my region try to drag me into their drama. It is something I try to avoid at all times. If I wanted to be in a drama I would be in a Japanese Soap Opera. As for driving someone in 2 hours, I would suggest to them a service that has been around for a while: Public Transportation / Cab / Rental Car. If they have no DL shouldn't be your issue. We all have lives to live. The universe doesn't rotate around anyone. We are all rotating within it.

[alcira.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping you're not referring to me because I did email you. We can always reschedule. I was having a rough time staying grounded that day too.